so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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