I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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