It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I will be naked everywhere
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
