i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
