I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
