I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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