did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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