I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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