I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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