...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
