I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
