I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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