Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
