Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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