You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
