I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
