Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
