WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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