He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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