Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
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If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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