Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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