well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
