I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
