You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
