If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
