You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
