turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Enjoy the penises
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
