So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
