I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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