I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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