clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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