guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm like, not good at living.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
