I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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