I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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