well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
