OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
