I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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