I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
