ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
