My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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