god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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