if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize