Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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