I think I won the penis lottery.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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