My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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