My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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