In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
