I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
