I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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