what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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