she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
