my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
