Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
