Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
