Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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