just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
