Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
