After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
