You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
