I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
