Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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