I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
