Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
