Your mouth is God's brothel.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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