those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
