I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
