I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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