it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
