I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
