Umm I'm too high to move.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
