My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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