i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
