Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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