I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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