btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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