haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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